public blog

yep. this one will be public and available for the reading pleasure of the internet-having world (a little creepy, but i'll get over it). (Mostly it's for you, Mr. Ted. I apologize for the denial to my blog you previously received).

Well then, onward!

Today I wish to discuss capital punishment, a topic I've thought a lot about this semester as I've had a class entitled "Perspectives on the Death Penalty."

The current perspective we are exploring is that of the murder victim's family member who opposes the death penalty. I just finished a paper last night on one of the stories I read in Rachel King's Don't Kill in Our Names: Families of Murder Victims Speak Our Against the Death Penalty. I wrote about Marietta Jaeger and her reaction to the kidnapping and murder of her 7 year old daughter and the need for healing brought about by that situation. (I was going to summarize, but thought, "perhaps I'll just post my paper, it's not all that long") Here we are:

When Marietta Jaeger’s seven year old daughter Susie was kidnapped and murdered, Marietta was compelled to put on a brave face for her other four children. This obligation put her grief on hold until finally she could no longer ignore it. Her anger crashed into her like a tidal wave two weeks after her daughter’s kidnapping. In her own words, “finally the day came when feelings of revenge roiled and screamed inside me” (13). “I knew I hated him and wanted to kill him” (14).

After feeling this “intense rage” (14), Marietta knew she simply could not live the rest of her life as a person consumed by anger. For her own good, she needed to figure out how to let go of her rage. And so, the first step in Marietta’s healing process was sparked by her own need to be able to live a life without a constant desire for vengeance; she needed to let go in order to maintain her sanity.

Once she had made this realization, her resolve was strengthened by something she’d had inside of her all along. “I had a well-developed conscience and a strong religious faith, which called me to forgive” (14). She made a conscious effort to let go of her anger, praying for the kidnapper and trying to feel for him as a fellow human. Slowly, she was more capable of thinking of him this way, instead of merely as the person who had taken her child.

Marietta’s decision to forgive helped her make a connection with the kidnapper, referred to as “Richard.” When he first made contact with the Jaeger family, a phone call intending to taunt them, instead of unleashing a torrent of rage, Marietta was able to genuinely empathize with him. When he would not talk to her about her daughter, she kept him on the line, asking him with an authentic concern, “How are you? You must be very burdened by what you have done” (17). This reaction was surprising to Richard, who responded by crying and saying, “I wish this terrible burden could be lifted” (17). This connection now made between Marietta and Richard helped lead to the solving of the crime and ended up providing the Jaegers with answers about their daughter’s death which had previously eluded them. They learned that Richard had, in fact, killed their daughter. In a way, this was a relief for them as they could stop wondering what had become of their little girl. Marietta’s faith helped her to understand that her Susie was now happy and not full of vengeance; the important thing now was to take care of the living left behind, and this included Richard. Unfortunately, Marietta never got to see a real change in Richard because he committed suicide in prison. “I wasn’t relieved when I learned of Richard’s suicide. I grieved a lot. I grieved for what this meant for his mother. But in the end I had to accept his death like I had to accept Susie’s” (26). She later visited with Richard’s mother, an experience that brought her great healing.

I found it interesting that the desire for vengeance and seeking the death penalty seem to be linked. Killing the perpetrator of even the most horrific crime is simply not an option to one who has learned to forgive. That is not to say that the family member of the victim who has forgiven does not want the killer punished. In the process of forgiveness, one realizes that punishing by continuing the violence that warranted the punishment in the first place is not a productive solution. Rather, the family member of the victim understands the grief, pain, and anguish caused by the initial crime and does not will the survival of these negative forces, but wants to heal. Neither does the family member wish to inflict the same suffering he or she has felt on the family of the killer (who is no longer thought of as “killer” but as a person who has done something terrible and is also in need of healing).

A common way to heal found in most of the stories in King’s book is by building a relationship between members of the families of the victim and the perpetrator. This relationship building helps to erase the division caused by the crime and to create unity and understanding. It also emphasizes and allows each party to see the humanity of the other and to feel a sense of commonality with them. This relationship helps not only the family of the victim, but everyone involved, including the perpetrator and his or her family. Marietta found this to be true when she spoke with Richard’s mother at the store where she worked. “I introduced myself, ‘I’m Marietta Jaeger, Susie’s mother. I just want you to know that I don’t feel badly towards you or Richard.’ She started crying and I started crying, and we hugged each other. She told me how sorry she was for my loss. I sensed the torment and anguish she felt knowing her son killed my daughter. I told her how sorry I was for her loss, too. When I left the store, I felt lighter” (26).

Reflecting upon the healing that happens when one forgives and treats others with the respect that their human dignity demands, it seems to me that those family members of victims who advocate the death penalty are seriously missing out. Holding onto anger is bad for people. This is such a simple statement, but its consequences are so profound. Holding a grudge will end badly, letting go of anger and striving to forgive leads to healing.