on gray friars

As of late, especially the past 3 or 4 days, the Lord has set gray friars in my sight and consciousness. In my sight, the FPOs (Franciscans of the Primitive Observance) who live in Emmitsburg. In my consciousness, the CFRs (Community of the Franciscans of the Renewal) who are spread throughout the world, but have a concentration of friaries in the NYC/NJ area. Mentally exploring this gray-friarness puts in mind a few thoughts. One is how Mark and I really need to get scootin' with our friary visit. Another is on poverty; these two orders especially follow the example of St. Francis and live without unnecessary material goods. The CFRs set up their friaries in the poorest areas of cities in order to be with the poor; if an area becomes more prosperous, they have to pack up and move. The most striking thing about them, however, is not their appearance or poverty, but their joy. Having a friend who's been a CFR for a few years now, I've met a decent number of other CFRs, and every one of them seem to be sublimely happy. They are jolly, witty, silly, etc., but also one can sense a radiance, a shining light that seems to be imbued in their very being. That was always something that struck me about Mike, now Br. Andrew. He always seemed to glow. And even more so in his habit, I think.



Anywho, the CFRs also have sisters and I may just call on them one weekend, perhaps the same time we visit Br. Andrew.

A thought: I'm reminded of this analogy: a person, perhaps a firefighter, climbing a very high ladder (like up a building maybe) who slips and is now hanging on by one hand. He hangs on to the ladder for life, for letting go would mean death. Then rescuers come and implore the hanging person to let go, that he may be brought to safety. The hanger is afraid, however, of falling and dying and won't let go of his grip on the ladder. At the time, something only mildly good, the supposed security of this one-handed grip, seems preferable to making a leap and hoping you end up in the helicopter or the trampoline. Fear may keep him from choosing the greater good over the lesser good, which, in contrast, is not really good at all.

(Bear with me on this connection, gentle reader, for I'm seeing it but I'm not sure it's coming across in writing.)

I feel as if I'm being prepared to let go of the ladder. I'm not sure exactly what the change will be, but that there will be a change is certain. I cannot cling to the ladder, but must allow the Rescuer to direct my actions and trust that the consequences are letting go are far better than those of holding on.

That whole ladder thing was brought on by a previous idea- it is easier to let go when you can see that what is on the side is better than that to which you're clinging. It's always been easy for me to think of marriage and having children as good and attractive, so I don't foresee it being too difficult to let go of the ladder in order to do that, if that is what I'm called to. Recently, though, in thinking about how gray friars are the happiest people I know, how happy I am when in their presence, how when I'm with Br. Andrew I feel as if I'm that much closer to heaven- all of this makes the idea of letting go of now in favor of living as a CFR sister very attractive, even sparkly.

In conclusion, I'm psyched to get up to NY (or NJ) to experience the everyday life of the CFR.